COURTSHIP TO THE GLORY OF GOD
By John R. Himes
As a single college student, I often was lonely, and wondered if God would ever give me a wife. Besides my class work, I worked in a factory to pay the bills, and rarely had time for social activities. One day the loneliness emerged in a poem,
Prayer of a Single Man
Dear Father, give me a wife, I pray.
I know that it’s been many tines today
That I’ve prayed that plea, but it’s You, not me;
You said, “It’s not good for the man to be
Alone.” I’m lonely, too, just as he.
Amen.
Yes, I was idealistic, too. I had my idea of the perfect girl: spiritual, lovely inwardly and outwardly, full of talent and a zest for living. Maybe I was full of soap bubbles when I wrote:
I want a girl whose standards are so high that she can touch the sky without standing on tip-toe.
I want a girl whose nature is so sweet that sugar blushes in her presence.
I want a girl who is so modest that roses close their petals under her influence.
I want a girl who affects me in such a way that there is nothing that I would not do…for Christ!
I want a girl whose smile brings warmth to an igloo and sunshine to a coal cellar.
I want a girl who loves Jesus!
Idealistic? Quite! But you will notice who is at the center of existence for my ideal girl—Jesus. My plans for the future included preaching the gospel as a foreign missionary, and the wife I wanted had to be close to God in an obvious way. I read books about missionaries and other of God’s servants that told thrilling stories of God’s guidance in marriage, and a concept began to evolve in my mind.
At that time my life’s verse was I Corinthians 10:31—”Whether therefore ye eat or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” I decided that courtship and marriage should glorify God in an obvious way, since it is such an important step in any life. In the middle of a romantic disappointment I prayed, “Dear Lord, if You have chosen a girl to be my wife, I pray that You would bring us together in such a way that all who look at our courtship will be able to tell that You were the One Who did it!”
In those days I was quite busy. I took 12-14 hours of classes each semester, worked at least forty hours a week in a factory, and was involved in an evangelistic team on the week-ends. There was no other way. If God wanted me married, He would have to arrange most of the details Himself, though I must admit that I tried to help Him decide who it would be more than once!
When graduation day finally cane after six long years of college, I was still single at the age of 24. However, when God’s definite call came to go as a missionary to Japan, I gladly followed His will, sure that He knew what He was doing. I had put my courtship and marriage permanently in His hands, and left it there.
I don’t deny it. As I waited for appointment to Japan by Baptist World Mission, working at Sword of the Lord, I tried more than once to find the right girl. But God’s time had not arrived yet. He could not be g1orified by my efforts. My future wife was still in His hands, and He was preparing her in His own perfect way.
Finally, appointment us a missionary to Japan came, and I eagerly launched out into deputation, trusting Gad to raise the monthly support as I traveled from church to church. Deputation for the missionary is a real testing period, full of high mountains and low valleys, and I had to trust more and more in the Savior. More than ever, the old loneliness came back to plague me, brought on by long hours of driving alone, new and unusual responsibilities, and the occasional match-making efforts of some of God’s good people!
One day at South Sheridan Baptist Church in Denver, pastored by a Baptist World Mission board member, Dr. Ed Nelson, a change came. There had just been a semi-annual board meeting (which I was not required to attend), and a new missionary candidate had been very interesting to more than one board member. “John,” said Dr. Nelson, “Have you heard about the lovely young lady that is interested in Baptist World Mission?”
When I said that I hadn’t, he gladly told me all he knew about her: she was quite pretty, really loved the Lord, had recently broken up an engagement (believing that it wasn’t the Lord’s will) and was definitely called to the mission field. He thought she was a graduate of Midwestern Baptist College. It seemed the only thing he couldn’t remember was her name!
For awhile I stayed in the area for deputation meetings. While I visited South Sherican Baptist Church during special meeting where Dr. Fred Brown was the evangelist, I was glad to see Dr. Wayne Van Gelderen, another board member and an old friend of the family. As I spoke to him, I once again heard the fateful words, “Have you beard about the lovely young lady that is interested in Baptist World Mission? Once again I heard a catalogue of virtues capable of making Romeo drop Juliet as a dud! This time I would learn her name, I thought. I waited for the good preacher to give me her name and address (not that I would write her, of course), but just then another friend cane up and interrupted the whole show. I would have to wait to find out more details. (Later I heard that those board members said in the candidate committee meeting with her, “You know, we ought to get John R. to write this girl!”)
As I drove twenty hours straight back to Tennessee, my thoughts were full of the possibilities. Was she someone I had met before? Was she really as pretty and spiritually-minded as had been said? Could this possibly be the wife I had waited and prayed for?
After a brief trip to teach self defense at Fort Bluff Youth Camp in Dayton, Tennessee, I finally made it back to my home in Murfreesboro to await developments. The two preacher friends had both suggested that Dr. Monroe Parker, the General Director of the board, might send me a note about the lovely young lady.” (Of course, I probably would not ever write her, but you never know…!)
A week passed. Then another week. Finally, I could wait no longer. Curiosity conquered me, and I called Dr. Parker. Oh, yes, he could send me her address, he said. Quite a girl she was!
Dr. Parker did send ne her address—that is, a copy of a letter to her which had her address on it! Among other things, that letter said, “John Rice is not married and he was asking me the name of the young lady who appeared before our board in Normal (Illinois),” and, “I am suggesting to John Rice that he write to you.”
I was trapped! I had to write to her. I did not want to be introduced to her at a BWM board meeting and have to say, “I am the guy that was supposed to write to you and didn’t!” I sent the first latter to Patricia Lynn Grimes with some information about myself and a photo and questions about her.
My thoughts drifted back to an unusual incident several months before. I was sitting in the darkened living room in my parents’ home long after they had gone to bed. The loneliness gripped me. I got up, went to the window, and gazed out into the star-filled night, wondering if God did, indeed, have a wife for me. Words drifted into my mind: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all those things will be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33).
I turned, walked back to the easy chair, and sat down. After a moment of meditation, loneliness again led me to the window to look at the stars. Again the words came to mind: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
I sat down again, meditated, went to the window. That tine when that wonderful verse came to my mind, I prayed, “Lord, once again I put my life into Your hands. I will seek to do Your will in all things, and trust you to give me a wife, if that is Your will.” Even then, God was moving in ways that I knew nothing of.
As the days passed following the sending of my letter I waited eagerly for a reply. Then one day it came—a beautifully hand-written letter with the news that Miss Grimes had gotten my letter just before going on a camping trip with her parents.
In the months that followed, we corresponded often. I learned that Patty Grimes had not yet really applied to Baptist World Mission, but was praying about it; that she loved the outdoors; that she was a good swimmer and involved in getting her Senior Life Saver certificate so that she could help at her church camp; that she enjoyed music; that she liked to read; that she was a soul winner. Most of all, I began to learn about her spirit: how much she loved Jesus, how she wanted to serve Him, what her motives were for wanting to be a missionary, how God had called her to be a missionary, how she was saved.
We both reserved judgment. After all, we had never really met. We kept our relationship on the level of a good, postal friendship, until the time came when we were to meet each other.
The day before I was to leave for the BWM board meeting in which I was to meet Patty (October, 1978), I had a problem: I was broke, a common state of affairs for me. I had just enough as to visit a close friend in Chattanooga, 100 miles away, who I had been promising a visit for some time. When I got there, we had a blessed time of fellowship, and I was reluctant to leave. Nevertheless, we went out to my car for a word of prayer before I left. Just before I left, my friend put a ten dollar bill into my hand! I was half-way to Greenville, South Carolina, on that, but more was needed.
After getting back to my home in Murfreesboro, I went to another friend’s house for prayer. After our private prayer meeting, this good friend walked out to my car with me. Just before I left, he also gave me a ten dollar bill. I now had $20, just enough to get me to South Carolina! After I had gotten to Greenville, God provided more funds so that I could take Patty out to eat and to go bowling. God was obviously smiling at our friendship!
The board meeting of the Baptist World Mission for 1978 was held at the famous Tabernacle Baptist Church in Greenville. With her picture in hand, I eagerly looked around at the beginning of the Sunday morning service, the first of the conference, but to no avail. Nowhere could I be sure that I saw Patty. Then Dr. Parker stood at the pulpit.
After some words of introduction and announcements, Dr. Parker said, “Will all the Baptist World Mission missionaries, candidates and appointees stand please?” As I stood, my head swiveled to the left, and there she was—a pretty, auburn-haired girl, indeed the “lovely girl” that I had been told about months before!
After the service (about which I remember nothing), I threaded my way over to where she was, and said (of course!), “Are you Patty?” Then I asked if she would like to go out to eat with my uncle and aunt, Dr. and Mrs. Walt Handford.
We will never forget that first date! We went to the “Pisgah Fish Camp,” a Greenville restaurant, and had fried chicken! That afternoon we went to the Bob Jones University art museum for a strong dose of culture.
What memories those days together planted! We went out to eat together, went bowling together, walked and talked in the moonlight, and defended ourselves against the other missionaries.
Our fellow BWM missionaries, all married, did their best to encourage the romance. One couple, also appointed to Japan, was especially interested. They were concerned about having a teacher for their children in Japan. “Patty,” said the wife, “We really need you to teach our boys over there.”
“John,” said her husband, “You don’t have to leave this conference single. Why, we have several ordained preachers here who could perform the ceremony!”
A missionary appointee to England took it upon himself to be God’s messenger. At unexpected moments this friend would approach from behind and say in a strange voice to Patty, “This is the Lord, calling you to Japan!”
One quiet, spiritual, soul-winning appointee to Japan who Patty had known in college casually turned to us in the lunch line one day and said, “Have you set the wedding date yet?”
The conference was over in no time at all. Patty had made application to the mission board and had been put under their “watch-care” until such time as God should lead her directly about what field she should go to as a missionary.
We took our last walk to the trailer where Patty was staying. The thousands of stars seemed to smile God’s blessing upon our friendship as we promised to continue writing, and we left each other with the Lord still in control!
Later, I reflected on what I had learned about my friend. I remembered her attention to the sermons and her obvious love for the Lord. I remembered her beautiful soprano voice lifting up praise to God in song. I remembered her tears when we heard of the tragic deaths of some teen-agers in Greenville, strangers to her. I remembered her kidding mood and her serious mood—though sometimes I couldn’t tell the difference! I remembered the quiet talks we had about serious things, and I remembered the happy, laughing times we had. I remembered looking at the stars while with her—the stars in the sky and the stars in her eyes! When we parted, it was with promise of the future, with a friendship that had blossomed beautifully in four short days.
The next several months went by swiftly. Plans were made for Patty to come to Tennessee for the Rice family Christmas to meet my family, and for me to go to Michigan immediately after Christmas for a month of deputation work, beginning with a winter youth retreat at which I was to be the speaker. Our letters continued, only now they had taken on a new warmth and intimacy.
Christmas was a delightful tine. The Rice family Christmas is full of tradition and happiness: we quote Luke 2 in unison, there are many musical numbers and testimonies, and then a short Christmas message by my grandfather, Dr. John R. Rice, after which the gifts are passed out. And, oh, yes, sometime during the day the Rice Bowl football game must be played with Dr. Roger Martin (distinguished author, pastor, seminary professor and football ref) officiating.
In Michigan, our courtship rapidly prospered. Patty’s birthday was on the 4th of January, and on that day I told her I loved her, the first time I had ever said that to a girl. In my heart I already knew that she was the girl for me. Years before I had decided that if I ever told a girl that I loved her, the right thing to do would be to follow with a proposal of marriage. The emotions of a sweet Christian girl are not to be played with by false professions of love.
Several days passed before I could work up enough courage to propose, though I finally made the proposal on January 12th. That evening I took her to a nice steakhouse, then to a large department store to window shop. The time came later on in the evening when we were at her house, ready for the devotions we had been having together.
Patty wondered that evening why I acted so strangely. I said, “Just wait here, while I get my Bible.” A puzzled look came into her eyes when I turned down the extra Bible next to her. “No,” I said, “I want my Bible.” You see, I had written a poem to propose to her and had hidden it in my Bible, therefore no other Bible would do!
We turned to the book of John, where we had been having devotions. My heart skipped several beats when I noticed where we had come to (through no planning of our own) in our devotions: John 2, where Jesus blessed the wedding in Cana of Galilee with His first miracle.
After our devotions, I presented to Patty three poems: the two from my college days given at the beginning of this story, and my latest:
A Proposal
What a lovely girl that God has brought into my life.
What a God-sent hope that I might take her for my wife.
What grace and truth I see within her, making sweet her soul;
What bounty do I see to make her heart for mine the goal.
Sweet Patty, may I ask you if you long to follow me?
Do you long to come beside me helping souls to be made free?
Will you say once more you love me and admit that you are mine?
Will you marry me and be the one to finish God’s design?
Her “Yes!” was not long in coming. Here I will draw the curtain of history for awhile—God knows the sweet words we spoke and the plans we made that day.
I take it as a special mark of God’s blessing that the day before I proposed to Patty I won a teen-aged boy to the Lord at a gas station, and the day after Patty won a lady to Christ while we were on bus visitation. You see, I was seeking the glory of God, and nothing glorifies God more than the winning of souls to Christ. Jesus plainly said, “Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit” (John 15:8).
The next day we approached her parents with the news. I had always imagined such a scene as being full of tension and emotion. I very seriously approached Mr. Grimes (chairman of the board of deacon board in his church, and a godly man), and said, “I asked your daughter to marry me last night.”
Without hesitation he replied, “No.” When I had recovered from the shock, he explained, with a twinkle in his eye, “You can’t marry her last night when it is already this morning!” Nonetheless, Mr. and Mrs. Grimes gave their whole-hearted permission.
Later, we called my parents long distance and also secured their permission and blessing. I wouldn’t have married her without my parents’ blessing. No man grows old enough to scorn his parents and disobey the commandment that says to “Honour thy father and mother.”
Permission having been obtained from both sets of parents, we began to make plans. The first important decision, obviously, was where to have the wedding. “Have you always wanted a June wedding?” I asked, since that is supposed to be the month of romance.
“Well’ she shyly replied, “I’ve always wanted a spring wedding, perhaps in May.”
Before long we had found out that every possibility in May was out of the question because of previous engagements but one: May 5th. Only after I had made the decision that our wedding ought to be May 5th did Patty show me where she had circles that very date and put a question mark next to it months before in November!
After leaving Greenville, where we had met, Patty went home and prayed something like this: “Dear Lord, I want to marry John Rice Himes, and I want the wedding to be May 5th.” I imagine that God smiled from Heaven and said, “I’ll take care of that!” And so our wedding date was set, though, of course1 only after prayer and consultation with both sets of parents.
It was only after we had become engaged that I began to find out how many people had been praying for us about the matter: close relatives on both sides, both of our pastors, many friends, members of the Baptist World Mission board, BWM staff members in their prayer meeting, and the junior-age Sunday School class that Patty taught. One clever boy in that class called her “Rice Patty” for months before we were engaged!
Back home in Murfreesboro, I began looking for an engagement ring. It couldn’t be just any diamond, it had to be just right for such a special girl. I checked out a book on diamonds from the public library, learned all I could about what the best ones were like, and began to haunt the local jewelry stores.
In store after store I was frustrated by the high price of good diamonds, and the lack of quality in the low-priced diamonds. One day, while downtown running errands, I decided to walk around the public square passing out tracts. After passing out about thirty gospel tracts, I came to a jewelry store that I had already been to in search of a diamond. On an impulse, I went in and asked, once again, to look at their stock. The second diamond I looked at was exactly what I wanted—sparkling with inner color, clear and gleaming with beauty. At last I had found what would show to all the world my love for Patty. I remembered then how seriously she had told me that perhaps it would be best f I did not buy a diamond for her, but use the money for God’s work— and I loved her all the more! I didn’t have the money right then for the ring, but Grandma Rice loaned it to me until I could repay her.
On my next deputation trip to Michigan, I gave Patty the diamond. I felt that the setting for the stone—her hand—was much more beautiful that the diamond. And the reason I gave her the diamond—to strive to love her as Christ loved the church—was much more meaningful than the diamond itself.
Plans for the wedding moved along rapidly, and the days flew by faster than the plans. Patty chose her attendants, and I chose my groomsmen and ushers. Plans for our honeymoon—both of them—were also made. Let me explain: immediately after our wedding, we were to be in a missionary conference not far from Patty’s home town of Lansing. That was our immediate honeymoon. We were treated royally by the good people in that church, being given an expensive hotel room and plenty of time by ourselves. Later in the month, after other deputation meetings, we took our second honeymoon at a cozy cabin on a lake in northern Michigan provided by generous friends in Patty’s home church.
The day finally came for the wedding. Patty’s father gave her away as her pastor and my father jointly performed the ceremony. Many eyes in the auditorium were filled with tears as my sister Lloys Jean sang the beautiful love songs we had chosen, inc1uding a prayer to God for blessing. Finally, Mr. and Mrs. John R. Himes were happily presented!
Everywhere there wore beautiful flowers: roses and stephanotis. A strange thing had happened about those flowers. The company that supplied them normally got their roses from South America. At the time of our wedding, however, there was an unusual difficulty getting roses from South America, so they had to be ordered from another source—Jerusalem! Just so, we had ordered our wedding to be made in Heaven, the New Jerusalem being prepared by Jesus.
Before leaving town, my new bride and I had a visit to make to the hospital. Patty’s sister Kathy had chosen the day before to have her baby and nothing would do but for us to go to the hospital, still in wedding attire, and visit her and our new niece Kristy in the maternity ward! Now in our marriage we seek to bring many to a new birth in Christ Jesus.
Back at the church, we took leave of our friends and loved ones in a car decorated with Bible verses about marriage. Our courtship to the glory of God had brought us to marriage. Our feelings that day were expressed in the poem I wrote for the back of our program:
Our Wedding Day
Our wedding day—-what peace doth fill
Our hearts, what hope and joy.
The love we have has come from God,
His wisdom we employ.
God’s man shall lead us through our vows;
Just so God’s will we choose.
Lost sinners shall we seek to bring
To Jesus, death to lose.
My love shall dress in shining white,
Her purity to show.
She represents God’s children, given
Garments white as snow.
The ring shall stand for God’s salvation—
Circles never cease;
So God’s love abides forever,
Life and endless peace.
With flowers is the church resplendent,
Made with God’s great care.
As lilies of the field He clothes,
Our needs He shall prepare.
Our vows we say with holy purpose.
Never shall be lost
The dedication that they stand for.
We now count the cost.
This day we shall become one person,
Spirits we unite.
Our wedding is a holy day,
And Christ our path makes light.
Young people let me assure you, there is nothing on earth like a marriage made in heaven. You will never be sorry if you allow God to choose your life’s partner. Someone has wisely said, “He that leaves the choice up to God always gets the best!” You might even have to wait longer than most to get married while God works out the details (I was 27 and Patty was 24), but you will never regret it. “A prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:17).
Determine that your courtship, along with everything else you do, will give glory to God. Live a pure life, dedicate your whole life to God, seek always to win souls to Jesus, and pray that God will show you His will about a mate for life, and you will find what my wife and I found, along with great happiness—courtship to the glory of God!
